I'm indecisive.

...and I have relocated.

http://emmasays.tumblr.com/

Sometimes I forget why I'm an English major

My first week of notes in English 100, a class which "focuses on the question of 'the literary.'" What does that even mean?

After three hours of lecture and an additional hour of discussion, I still can't answer that question.

ENGLISH 100- Week 1

Techné
• art, graft, skill
• technology
• code for which most translation is available

Theoria
• a looking at, viewing, beholding

Theorema
• a sight, a show, a spectacle
• origin of theater, theory, etc.

Literary Theory
• uses models of other sciences to identify, understand, analyze its own object
• the proper object of theory is its own failure
• under a double comparative that says
o face language or everything you say about it will be chatter/gossip
o however much you try to face language, you’ll never be linguistic enough- whatever you say will be a flight from language

Trivium
• grammar
• logic
• rhetoric

Quadrivium
• arithmetic
• geometry
• astronomy
• music

Poetics (formalisms)
• based on grammatical models of language
• interested in framework/structure of text
• general laws and principles behind particular literary phenomenon
• its object is literary discourse
• ex: Aristotle’s Poetics
• problem is how you deal w/ meaning
o attempts to “grammartize” meaning


...sometimes I wish my English professors would just lecture in ENGLISH.

I met God at Starbucks today

This morning, I woke up at 7 AM. Definitely not my ideal time to wake up in the morning (not even close), but jet lag or overexhaustion or sickness or some of all of the above has made my sleeping patterns irregular and left me feeling just a little out of touch each day since I've been back. Today, just like any other day, I was determined to make the most of those last hours before I had to wake up for my first day of school, and I tried everything to go back to sleep. I prayed boring prayers that usually put me to sleep (sorry GOD), I read some C.S. Lewis (which I hoped would mentally stimulate me to exhaustion), I got up and checked my Facebook and e-mail (when do I ever not?), but eventually 9 AM rolled by and I gave up the fight. With an hour to spare, I decided to go to Starbucks to do my devos.

Tonight will be our first small group meeting of the quarter and of 2009. As excited as I am, I am also a little nervous as usual. This time, I am nervous because I have this vision for our group this quarter but I can't quite put it into words. I want my small group to feel the same excitement and passion that I feel about this vision, but somehow, when I share it outloud it seems to lose its effect.

So this morning in Starbucks, I journaled and prayed about this. Then I started reading. I decided to start on the book of James, since I want to teach out of this book this quarter. Without really knowing why, I began to copy down these verses into my journal...

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Halfway through, it hit me: this is the exact vision that I have for our small group. When I had no words, He gave me the Word to show me.

This quarter, I want my girls (and myself) to truly live out our faith instead of simply remaining stagnant and comfortable. I want us to be challenged and stretched. I want us to embrace trials and difficulties as opportunities for growth instead of simply seeing them as hindrances. Through these times of testing, I want us to come out stronger and bolder in Him, that we would be broken down and rebuilt in HIS Likeness.

My top destinations

I just got home yesterday and I am already dreaming about...

Vienna, Austria

Athens, Greece

Boston, USA

Budapest, Hungary

...and some places I want to revisit in the near future.

Bangkok, Thailand

Tokyo, Japan

New York City, USA

Barcelona, Spain

If only I had millions of dollars to go anywhere I wanted...

Jetlagged & rambling

I am home again. Somehow, the feeling of coming back to my own room after weeks of being away is still so strange and unfamiliar to me. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it.

The excitement of being in a foreign place is gone now... but by being away these past couple weeks, I think I'm starting to see how easy it is to fall back into the same robotic, comfortable lifestyle here in Irvine. I remember when I first got to Korea, Monica was taking me around and she mentioned how "the Korean lifestyle is so indulgent--everything you do is to satisfy yourself." Right when she said that, I remember feeling sorry for Koreans... however, I realized, how is that different from what I do everyday in Irvine? And now, how are we supposed to live in a way that isn't self-indulgent? Is it even possible to be happy and live selflessly at the same time?

Leaving

I am leaving Korea today. I can't believe three weeks have already gone by.

I miss it already!

A letter for the new year

Dear God,

I can't believe the new year is almost here. It's crazy how quickly 2008 flew by. But I'm sure by the time December 2009 rolls around, I'll be thinking the same thing over again. That's how it always is.

When I think about all the things I've experienced, the ways I've grown, the struggles and the triumphs that I've gone through these past 12 months, I'm blown away by how You've orchestrated each event in my life, carefully directing my paths in ways that always lead me back to YOU... and I have so many things to thank You for. Where do I even begin?

Lilies (Women's small group)
...For being my foundation. Without this small group, I really don't know where I would be spiritually and emotionally at this point in my life. I miss seeing these girls every Tuesday and they will forever hold a special place in my heart.

Ohana (Freshmen girls' small group)
...For being the loves of my life! I can't even begin to describe the joy that I feel when I think about these girls. I'm so excited to see them again in a week! I pray for deeper studies, intimate sharing time, strengthened relationships, and even more "God moments" to come in 2009. Work in and through us in a crazy way!!!

Going international
...For the chances to expand my understanding of different cultures, test my faith, build my character, and just because it's exciting and fun. I got to visit and live in so many different countries around the world this past year. I haven't done anything to deserve these opportunities, yet You have provided me with the resources to do so. If I do end up going more places this next year (which I hope I do!), I pray that my time there wouldn't simply be wasted on indulgences, but that I would continually learn and grow through my experiences abroad. With that said, gracias, 谢谢, grazie, 감사합니다, merci, cheers! :)



Sisters to share life with
...For supporting me, putting me in my place when I'm getting out of hand, taking care of me, challenging me to grow, keeping me accountable, listening to me talk about the same things over and over, caring about me, and loving me as I am! This next year, I pray for even stronger bonds and deeper relationships!!!

Family
...For seeing me as I am and accepting me that way. These past few months, I've been thinking a lot about parenthood and now, in Taiwan, about my grandparents, cousins, and aunts here. They know me at my worst but still accept me as I am. If You created even human beings with the capacity to love in such ways, then how much deeper is Your love for us?

As I think about this next year, one thing that has been pressing on my heart is the need to break out of my comfort zone and reach out to those who seem "out of reach." For 2009, I want more opportunities to build deeper relationships with those who don't know You yet. I want to be stretched--but even before that, I need the boldness to face these challenges and strength to overcome. Do not let my own pride and closed-mindedness prevent me from loving and give me grace to understand others.

And please don't ever let me forget all that I already have and all that is yet to come...

I LOVE YOU!
Emma

Not quite home

Last night, I arrived in Taipei, Taiwan and was greeted at the airport by my smiling cousin and two aunts. They took me to the same apartment that I have become so familiar with over the years, my oldest aunt's place where I used to stay for three weeks at a time in the summers between my elementary, middle and even high school years. Being here feels like coming back to my second home, yet I still can't shake the feeling of not quite belonging. I don't know if it's the eight years of being away that has left a gap that I can't fill, the language barrier between me and my relatives and everyone else I encounter here, or the awkwardness of trying to find common ground with the Taiwanese culture which is a part of who I am but which I feel so distant from, but being here is so familiar yet so draining for me. I still can't quite put my finger on why I feel this way, however, I think it may be because I feel that I am a part of Taiwan, whether I like it or not, whereas in England, Europe, Korea and everywhere else I was simply a tourist, an onlooker.

Though bits of Taiwan belong to me--memories I've had here from my past, values that I grew up with, my relatives here who hear about all the important milestones in my life yet who I go for years at a time having no direct contact with--trying to find my place here has made it tricky and difficult.

Jim jil bang

Tonight, Monica and I went to a jim jil bang, or sauna. It's open 24 hours and only costs $7!

Technically, if you are traveling in Korea and have nowhere to stay, you could just sleep in one of these. They're cheaper than hotels and even have showers, bathrooms, jacuzzis, restaurants, couches, televisions, and lockers.

Before going into the rooms, Monica and I ate dinner: kim bap! We bought it from a 24-hour restaurant nearby. It was really good.

And we drank banana milk. Mon said it's "tradition" to drink this in jim jil bangs.

Then we journaled!

I couldn't bring my camera into the actual sauna rooms because I didn't want it to overheat and break... but there were two rooms that were 73 degrees Celsius (that is 163 degrees Farenheit)! One of them was a salt room (salt is supposedly good for your skin) where there are salt stones all over the ceiling, floor, and wall... and another room where there are small jade stones all over the ground. I nearly died in those rooms. There was also a room that was a freezer so you could cool off.

So fun! :)

Love in Korea

Before week 10, during our last meeting, I asked my small group to complete a "Christmas mission" over break. The mission was to love on a stranger or someone who you've lost contact with over the years by performing a kind act for that person(s). The point of this is to break us out of our comfort zones and challenge us to love in radical ways. But ever since I've been in Korea, I'm ashamed to admit that I struggled a lot with this the first few days. The whole idea of trying to connect with people who don't even speak the same language as me, who I've heard so many "horror stories" about, who were raised in a completely different culture and mindset as me, was intimidating, to say the least. But I feel like God began to soften my heart for the people of Korea through two random encounters on one day this past week.

The morning of this day, I did devos at Angel in-us Coffee with Jamie and I prayed for God to open up wide doors for me to serve others somehow in Korea.
It's funny how God responds to prayers sometimes...

That day, I went on the bus by myself to Gangnam to meet up with Monica.

(Jamie dropping me off at the bus stop!)

However, I ended up on the wrong bus but I had no idea until the bus driver turned around, called me up to the front of the bus, and wrote down the directions for me to transfer to the correct bus. He kept trying to explain to me in Korean but I couldn't understand a word he was saying... I just kept nodding and smiling, too confused to react.

So I ended up getting off at some random bus stop in the middle of the freeway and walking across the street to transfer. But I was still very confused and lost, so I called Monica and she told me to hand the phone to someone at the bus stop. I went to the first lady I saw... and she ended up going on the bus with me to Gangnam, saving me the only empty seat on the bus while she stood next to me for the entire ride, getting off with me at the correct stop, and walking with me for about 15 minutes just to find Monica at one of the subway entrances.

Because of the language barrier, it was difficult for us to communicate with each other and the only things I learned about her is that she is a journalist and she is 30 years old.

But I was seriously so touched by her openness with me and willingness to help me out, a complete stranger lost in Seoul. I really wished I could do something for her in return, but all she left with me was this business card.

After that day, I don't think I can ever view Koreans through the same eyes as before. Despite all the stories I've heard about how unhelpful, pushy, and cold Koreans are, I feel like God was speaking to me through my encounters with the bus driver and the reporter. How can I come to Korea trying to love on the people here if deep down, I am stereotyping and judging them in my heart? I came here expecting to serve in some way, but instead, I was loved on in the most unexpected way.

Let it snow!

Tonight, I walked outside and tiny white dots were falling from the sky...

It's snowing in Korea!
I love it :)

Oh the weather outside is frightening...

According to Yahoo! Weather, it is 25 degrees F in Seoul today. That's the lowest it's ever been since I got here. Technically, it's not THAT cold but I was freezing!

I'm ready to go to Taiwan...

McHappy in Korea

My Korean Life

BUNDANG, KOREA. I have been in Korea for three days now. I always try to compare my experiences here to my time in England and Europe, but the two are completely different. For one, being in the UK and Europe felt like more of an adventure, a challenge and a time of growth for me. Korea, on the other hand, is a getaway, a time to relax, spend time with my friends, and soak in my surroundings. Last summer, I learned how to live on my own and take care of myself. This winter, I am always around Monica and Jamie and they take such good care of me-- taking me everywhere so that I don't even have to look at a map, planning activities to do everyday, taking me to the best places to eat and paying for my meals, translating everything for me so that I don't even have to say a word to anyone. The two experiences are utterly different and I love them both.


Basically, to sum up my days so far, here is what I've done:

1. Eat twice as much as my normal intake. Mon and Jamie both eat smaller portions ever since they got to Korea, but it's just the opposite for me. (So basically during every meal, I'm always the last one eating everyone's leftovers...) The food here is delicious and I had so many dishes that I've never had back in America-- Korean cuisine has so much variety that I never knew about.

Labokki (ramen and ricecakes in spicy red sauce)

Ddalk jjim (chicken and noodles in soy sauce).. this was really, really good.

Iceberry bingsu (shaved ice), I love this dessert place. I want to eat here everyday.

The best katsu I ever had in my life.

Dduk mandu gook (rice cakes and dumpling soup) and kal gook su (like "Korean udon")

...and many more!

2. Walk around. I think the two top things I've observed about Korea so far are the extremely well-dressed people (I'm talking about girls in mini skirts and high heels in 30-40 degree weather!) and the many lights... everywhere. Like this:

COEX, the largest mall in Seoul. (It really is huge inside...)

A mall in Dongdaemon, where Jamie took me night shopping.

Bundang, the city Jamie lives which is about 20-30 minutes south of Seoul. A way to describe this I guess is... Bundang is like Irvine (safe, wealthy area) and Seoul is like LA (really busy and crowded). I've never seen Seoul at night but I heard it's two times as bright as this.

3. Try to get in touch with my (nonexistant) Korean roots by...

Chilling at Korean cafes. I love cafes... and Korea has many cute ones. Every morning before we eat lunch and Jamie goes off to work, we go to this cafe called Angel in-us Coffee to journal and do devos. I'm not a morning person usually, but I look forward to this so much every morning!

Visiting Korean palaces. This one is called Gyeongbokgung Palace.

Waiting over three hours to see some Korean movie stars that I don't even know. I shook one of their hands though! And Monica is crazy about one of the guys, Jo In Sung. She got really emotional when he came near us...

Going shopping at Myeungdong, a shopping plaza geared towards young people.

Trying to learn the Korean alphabet. I didn't know this at first, but I guess it's supposedly kind of easy to read Korean... however, since I have a memory span of approximately two minutes, it has been a huge challenge for me. I'm going to study some more before I sleep.

No comment...

I'm so tired now, I need to get some sleep.
Ahn nyung ee gah sae yo! :)