Last night, I arrived in Taipei, Taiwan and was greeted at the airport by my smiling cousin and two aunts. They took me to the same apartment that I have become so familiar with over the years, my oldest aunt's place where I used to stay for three weeks at a time in the summers between my elementary, middle and even high school years. Being here feels like coming back to my second home, yet I still can't shake the feeling of not quite belonging. I don't know if it's the eight years of being away that has left a gap that I can't fill, the language barrier between me and my relatives and everyone else I encounter here, or the awkwardness of trying to find common ground with the Taiwanese culture which is a part of who I am but which I feel so distant from, but being here is so familiar yet so draining for me. I still can't quite put my finger on why I feel this way, however, I think it may be because I feel that I am a part of Taiwan, whether I like it or not, whereas in England, Europe, Korea and everywhere else I was simply a tourist, an onlooker.
Though bits of Taiwan belong to me--memories I've had here from my past, values that I grew up with, my relatives here who hear about all the important milestones in my life yet who I go for years at a time having no direct contact with--trying to find my place here has made it tricky and difficult.
