Starting from October until the end of this year, I decided to fast buying drinks from Cha for Tea and give the money I would otherwise spend there to Just4One, an organization which fights against human trafficking. In case you didn't know, Cha has become a sort of addiction for me, causing me to spend ridiculous amounts ($4-5) on a single drink multiple times a week. As much as I love Cha (particularly during midterms and finals weeks; having one of their drinks while I study or write a paper somehow makes the drudgery of dry textbooks, lecture notes that make no sense, and writer's block less overwhelming), it was becoming increasingly difficult for me to shake the fact that the $4 or $5 I spend on a single drink could potentially feed a child across the world for an entire day. The same money I use to purchase a mere indulgence is actually a necessity just to get someone through the day.
But... this doesn't feel like enough. In fact, nothing ever feels like enough. The harsh realities of social injustice, poverty, starvation, human trafficking and exploitation are so raw and so rampant that the efforts to try and combat these injustices seem minuscule in the face of so much pain and evil.
And so I felt disappointed and hopeless. In fact, I even felt ashamed in myself that there are people out there with literally nothing, and all I am doing for them at this point is giving up a couple milk teas a week, things that simply add even more comfort to my already comfortable life.
But I realized that, in my shame, I am sinning against God. If my service is driven by shame and guilt, what good is it and how can I possibly glorify Him?
At the other extreme, I feel like as Christians, many times we give and serve with a self-righteous, proud attitude. We feel good that we have set aside a small part of our income to donate to "kids in Africa," or that we go to soup kitchens twice a year to feed the homeless, as if these occassional acts of kindness somehow validate us as "good Christians" and secure us a spot in heaven.
I wonder if, by combining service with such emotions as self-righteousness and shame, we are completely missing the second commandment; that is, to love your neighbor as yourself. If service is not completely and purely driven by love, then it is meaningless.
God, search my heart; break me from the tendency to live by rules and formulas. Show me how to love You and others first, then let the actions that follow be a natural response to this crazy, boundless love You have freely given me.
